_

it was one of her quick escape.
after work.
after those activities of extra curricular she couldn't care less - but those are social obligatory, mind you...
long day indeed.

she exhaled a thick smoke.
work and its extra curricular had bound her with life warrant.
a thought crossed her mind if she really was belong to everyone but herself.
but was I ever belong to anyone? she uttered a question to herself.
nobody replied of course, since she was alone in that place.

back to the her question.
it's like a paradox.
she hated being in love with everyone.
and she hated herself when she's not.

it's a guilty pleasure, like a cigarette smoke.
she quickly glanced to the evidence at hand.
something she regularly despise but once in a while she craves it like crazy.
that sweet sting, the feeling of feeling nothing.
the excitement equals to mucking around a drawer looking for something you don't even know.
and what is this world that is hastening me toward I know not what, viewing me with contempt?
nothing. it's just reality, really.
she inhaled deeply before letting out a cloudy smoke.

she had to admit, though, that the smoke had gotten into her eyes for so long she had forgotten what it was back then.
the fabricated happiness had erased fragments of her favorite recollection.
top of her playlist was dreamwalking bare feet on the sand,
with scorching hot sun nestled on the canopy of achingly clear sky.
blissful.
ah. if only she could recreate what her sense were having by then.

anyway, can't complain... she smiled to herself.
after all it's much better than living a lie.
she crushed the cigarette butt to the ground.
and yes... she had chosen the ground she's standing onto.
yes it's ugly and cold, but it's also solid and stable.

cool wind shuffled her hair playfully,
as the icy breeze licking her nape deliberately.
she didn't have to check upon the sky to know that rain is approaching near.
just one more cigarette and then let's call it a night, there she made her decision.